Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The J. O. B. -or- Help! I'm Employed!

I just realized today, only a few short hours ago, that I actually do not have the worst job on the entire earth. It comes in 2nd. Right behind "Personal Vomit Remover To Paris Hilton," but the voting was extremely close.

Have you ever had a "job" that you hated? I don't mean hate like "I hate when I get a splinter!" No - I mean hate like the type of loathing you might have for, let's say, somebody who you learned just murdered your best friend. Extreme you say? I think not! I really like my friends. Well, some of them.... but I digress!

Take for example the following actual phone conversation from my day this afternoon. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and extremely stupid.

Me: Hello Mr. Customer - how are you today?
Mr. Customer: I hate you.

So I have elaborated slightly, but you get the general idea. You see, I work at a very large bank (and by that I mean they have sixty two gazillion dollars in assets, and that's just what the VP's use to light cigars!). My job is - and you may want to sit down before reading this - is:


That's right! I am the dreaded person who has to say the following things to unsuspecting customer on a daily basis:

1. You don't qualify based on income, sir, "Hit man" is not a taxable profession!
2. Yes, Mr. Customer, we received your home appraisal and in the field that reads "Home Value" the appraiser simply wrote - "Good Luck"
3. I don't know when I will be able to close your home loan, Mr. Customer, but I am quite sure if you curse at me several more times I will probably move faster!

Now, I am obviously all for a nice conversation. I consider myself outgoing and approachable. I have found, however, that my job has made me somewhat "gun-shy" with the general public. After having several dozen people each day complain, yell, or otherwise insult my mother I have become a little jumpy.

I was standing in line at a fast food restaurant just yesterday taking a break from my busy day of declining loans when the man behind me spoke to me. I put him in a strangle hold and began yelling, "I don't care what your current interest rate is sir! I have to charge points on your loan!" before being pulled off by several bystanders.

"What in the heck is wrong with you," one lady screamed at me, "all he did was ask you what time it was!"
"Yeah," said another guy, "and why should you be charging points on a loan anyway? What kind of person are you, you sick bastard!"

All I've got to say is: How bad is your suck job? Make a comment about you job or the job of somebody you know, or just a job you think might suck.

By the way, if you are a the Personal Vomit Remover to Paris Hilton, please accept my apology... I just turned your refinance down.


Joyce said...

My job sucks too Frank! There is no way any person could ever understand it...even the person training me can't tell me why they do the things they so there. All I ever hear is "Well, in this case, for this customer we do this and this..."They have several hundred customers for crying out loud!!!

And what some might think would be a plus for any job....there is a guy who needs to wear suspenders big time......Ever heard..."Just say NO to crack??" yep!!!!! Really makes my job even suckier!!!

But it is money right???

AScrappersDelight said...

Working for a bank I can completely sympathize. My conversations usually go like this:
Mr Customer: Why are you stealing my money?
Me: Mr Customer, You had $.03 in your account. You wrote a check for $300.00. The bank covered the check for you and charged the standard NSF of $34
Mr Customer: See you are taking my money
Me: Mr Customer, you did not have funds to cover the check you wrote
Mr Customer: Why are you taking my money
Me: You know what Mr Customer, You ARE right I wrote that check out of your book and overdrew you I am so sorry.

UGH and then they look at me like I am the idiot.....