Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day (You Don't Know Jack!)

Tradition: Flowers, Candy, Dinner Out

Tinney: Breakfast Out, You Don't Know Jack quiz, No prize for you!

It started out innocently enough - honestly (you don't know me well enough to blame me!). Two years ago I started the tradition of making a list of questions about my lovely wife, asking them of the children, and recording our three answers. I would then ask my bride to tell me who supplied which answer.

For every correct guess of who said what, she gained 10 points. Add the points up and win prizes. The first year looked something like this:

50 points - Foot rub
60 points - Back rub
70 points - Dinner Out
80 points - $25.00 spending money
90 points - another $25.00
100 points (total possible) ALL prizes

Sample question: If Mom was a car, she would be a _______?
Emma: Van (what we had at the time)
Jacob: F150 (what mom wished we had at the time)
Dad: Sexy Mustang (brownie points for Dad)

Mom would venture a guess who gave each answer, doing pretty good throughout... we would share a laugh... she would earn some prizes. The 2nd year, the tradition continued. Today is the 3rd annual Mom's Day Quiz... but something has changed. Evil has entered the process.

I'm not sure if it is the daughter being seven now or the son entering teen years, but they are suddenly on a mission to 'stump the Mom.' Our questions are evolving, at the children's urging, from "If Mom was a car..." to "The square root of 1.5788993 divided by .004 resembles what ancient Egyptian rulers name if coded numerically."

I had to remind them WE answer the questions, so making them harder will not stump Mom. This is when the brain trust starting kicking in (is that smoke I smell?) and they began changing their answers. In example, the following dialogue occurred:

Me: Question: If mom were a Transformer, what type would she be? You know, like car, etc.
Emma: Volkswagen
Jacob: No! She will know you said that - say something crazy like Taco
Me: No... just answer honestly
Emma: Taco Panda
Jacob: I say T-rex - she'll never guess I said that!
Me: No - what do you really think...
Emma: Taco Panda T-rex! (insert child fight here)

So, this year, I am praying that Von enjoys the festivities without feeling like a contestant on You Don't Know Jack - though I doubt it. I can see it:

Me: Who said "Slap Happy Jolly Pig Vomit" to the question "What is Mom's favorite food?"
Von: er, huh?
Emma: Wrong!!! Ha! I said that!
Jacob: No points for you! Yes! (high-five with Emma)
Von: Perplexed look, followed by side-bar where I get in big trouble

I may have to throw the contest and pitch in a couple of extra prizes just to get through this one... after all... it is Mom's Day even if she doesn't know which one of us said "Flying Stinker Oink" to the question "What special message do you have for Mom on mom's day this year?"
0 points on that one for sure.